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hmmmm well i have been meaning to write here for weeks now. but it has been one of the things i havent been able to bring myself to do untill now. and now b\c there are so many more things i cant bring myself to be doing right now so maybe this will help me figure out exactly why that is. ugh even sitting here trying to write this i just keeps staring at it and being like ugh i cant do this. but ok im gonna try and start from the beginning..

i now take a history class at fsc, western civ since the renessance.. and i kinda made a friend but the second class i kinda got ditched b\c there was a girl she knew in the class, and she kinda annoys me and i came right at the start of class so there was no seat next to them but w\e. class is really good. incredably easy... and i mean it. which i guess is ok for my first class back but i do wish it was just slightly more challenging... (wow never thought id say that)anyways so yeah its good but i didnt go last week so i need to get the notes from angie which will give me another chance to talk to her which will be cool.

anyways so last week i didnt go to class. there was just to much pressure and to much to do and to many bad thoughts and way to much traffic. ended up chilling with bryan in stead. that was cool. but i was disapointed in myself for not going to class b\c i really do like going there its pretty awesome. but recently ive just been falling into this weird ass depression which is keeping me from doing alot of the things that i need to be doing, such as cleaning my room\doing laundry ive needed to do it for a while now but i just cant. also cleaning my car. and bothering to wear anything but jeans and t-shirts, along with shaving. these are all stupid little things that i really need to do but i just sit there and stare at them and just cnat bring myself to get up. so instead what ive been trying to do is just stay in bed as much as possible and watch tv. also ive been having crazy crazy crazy ass dreams every night like my head is trying despratly to figure things out but everynight there just seems to be more. i think i get my insurance back on the 1st and so i can get back onto my anticrazy pills which will be a big relief hopefully. maybe it will stop the almost constant crying over something or other. but i almost want to blame that on the fact that it was that time again and maybe im moody?? ugh there is justin brb

so justin just left, he spent like 10 minutes up here with me making sarcastic comments and shit. maybe i should stop doing that but he never really seems to care. i got paid today!!! yey!! though idk why i care it all goes to bills anyways. though yesterday i took my new creditcard and bought myself 2 toys, one was a peice b\c i smashed mine that morning on the brick when i forgot it was in my lap. that kinda sucked b\ci really liked that one but i mean its all good really the one i got is pretty cool to it has a froggie on it and looks amazing when it fills with smoke. yesterday was really relaxing morning. something i had def been needing but wishing i could have been sitting out front while waiting for someone but meh maybe that can come back on break.

so i have been debating about where i want my life to go. ive finally figured out that i just want to do something where i can be creative everyday all day pref. and i think i would like to go into design of anything(partys, rooms, houses, offices, logos, websites, ect) and just be really freelance anything creative. so i decided that i need to go back to school to probably get a degree in design and maybe dubble minor in buisness and fashion. who would have ever thought i would be one of those fashion chicks.... ick. anyways so as for a job i had been debating between staying at atrium and trying to go to school full time prob at massbay next semester or finding a job as a secratrey in a perfect world with someone who does something design related but it can really be anywhere and doing 2 night classes a semester which i decided would be the better rt as to not feel completly overwhelmed and fail again and shit. the only thing is 1. how the hell do i go about finding design firms 2. this prob means i have to stop smoking pot for a few weeks so i can pass drug tests if need be. but this is really all being put on hold b\c i cant even do my laundry never mind really fucking try to make a major improvement in my life.

ok i think this is long enough and i want to go play solitare and daydream or something. i mean really go do anything that will make it so i can get the fuck out of here and go home. there is more that i need to write but i'll save that for another time..
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